Yo cheese! And other stuff.

(LighterLife Route to Management – Week10 Day1)

I said I was scared of cheese. Well it is here now, the cheese trigger week. The week I’m really dreading. Why? Because I don’t know quite where to start or where to end!!!!

I’ve realised that pasta and rice were a simple thing to deal with. And the potato. Because there aren’t a thousand kind or a thousand ways that I used to eat those. But CHEESE!! It’s everywhere – when you’re actually looking, and this week I’m suppose to look for it. Gaaahhhhhhh. SCARY.

It’s weird. Since the muesli revelation I have both looked forward to other triggers – weirdly!! – and at the same time really dreaded the potential binging. AND at the same time I’ve felt relieved that each trigger is ‘here’ only for a week!!!!!! I really don’t fancy buying any muesli for a long while. *sigh*

Which cheese is it wisest for me to try this week? The cheese I know I like? The cheese I know I used to like TOO MUCH? The cheese in sauces, meals, salads? The cheese I never tried before? Cheese with the main meal? Cheese for dessert? How do I go about this!?!?!?! This would be much easier if I was already allowed bread. Much less scary. Maybe I’ll start with feta. But that’s easy to integrate into a salad. Maybe I should go for the killers – strong cheddar and brie. I think I will need to face those.

Whilst considering my cheese choices for today, I’ve come to realise what a very basic, stripped down diet I currently eat: still mainly chicken and salmon and a whole load of veg, quark and berries, apples and the occasional banana. And I mostly prepare my lunches for work or go to Pret for the fishy salads. And it’s not really bothering me at all that it’s not more complicated. The abstinence mentality is now really showing itself, and I am able to shift through cafes and foodstalls without much more than a vague glance at all the mayonnaise and cream cheese mixes and curries. I do love the smell of bread, but I don’t really fancy eating any. How strange. How liberating! How it’s making me realise these 12 weeks of Route to Management are nothing but the START to the ‘everything’ that is to become my life. One week, one step, one food at a time.