You seek and you shall find

(LighterLife Route to Management – Week12 Day2)

Answers. We all seek answers. It’s so difficult to know where to turn to get them. Sometimes we find them right in front of us, on our doorstep. And sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and go outside our comfort zone – and all neighbouring time zones – to find them.

What I’ve done now? Well I have just registered to a Geneen Roth retreat at the end of October. In California!!! How EXCITING is that!?!?! Whoooaaaahhhhhh. I’m so nervous and excited at the same time!! I have to sort out flights and other transport, but the retreat itself – it’s booked and paid for!! It’s only 5 days so it’s a jet lag both ways but I just don’t care!!!

For a good while I pondered whether it’d be too expensive with the retreat itself not being cheap and having to combine that with flights etc. And then I realised I was just being silly – this is exactly the opportunity I’ve been waiting for: the ‘outside’ point of view to emotional eating and dealing with it. It’s WHAT I NEED TO DO FOR ME. After actually starting back on Abstinence on January 1st this year and going full monty on Route to Management, this is the single most selfish thing I’m doing this year. AND I’M LOVING IT!!!!!!!! There is nothing, NOTHING, that will keep me away from the retreat.

It’s got everything to do with this LighterLife journey, and wanting to stick with it. I would not be doing any of this – even considering it for real – if it wasn’t for LighterLife. It probably sounds like some blah blah blah about a diet program one’s just been in, except that it isn’t quite like that. As we have established, this is not about the Abstinence or the Route to Management. It’s about LIFE. And acknowledging that this my newfound hunger for things other than food – IT IS FOR LIFE.

It was my birthday yesterday. This is my birthday present to myself – a healthy dose of selfishness. I am so tempted to spend any extra money on my family rather than on myself. I hate that I’m still not my first priority. There’s a lot being said about gay men and them spending all of their well earned money on themselves – the single gal should be entitled to as much, yet we are made to feel guilty about it. My god, I feel like I’m growing. Hopefully in confidence, not in maturity ;D

And yes, it’s the last trigger week this week. I overdid dark chocolate last night and this morning – 1 bite would’ve been enough but I nearly made myself sick with the whole bar. Wait for it – it was a whopping 50 grams… :D CRAZY!!!!! But then again, I was never tempted by dark chocolate. I think I’ll stick with it though. More on my week of sweets later in the week.