Going nowhere in particular

(LighterLife Management – Month 1 Week 3)

You might think I’ve given up and disappeared altogether. Well I haven’t! For the most part though, I have felt an increasing need to isolate myself and just exist for a while. That’s the best way I can describe the past couple of weeks.

Food. Hmmmm. I don’t know. I have had good days and some bingey nights quite clearly fuelled by too much wine that was called for… Yet I have actually kept to rather simple diet of lots of protein and simple carbs. There’s only been the occasional pasta and just 1 PIZZA which was eating out not ordering in, and 1 occasion of chinese food (dry salted beef and prawn on toast, no rice, no noodles, no prawn crackers!!) on the way home from a boozy night. Apart from that I’ve been adhering to a very protein and veg heavy diet. Not because I’ve been denying myself other things, but because that’s what I’ve felt like eating!!!!! IMAGINE THAT :D

But seriously. I have had bingey nights, yes, but I haven’t had bingey sober days or nights, so that tells me something!! Also, I have stopped a few binges by letting myself realise (whilst preparing whatever it was I thought I wanted to eat) that I didn’t really want to eat it, I just wanted to go NUMB. And in most of those cases I then proceeded to go to bed instead. The stopping-of-the-binge doesn’t always feel RATIONAL in the moment, it just feels as ‘at a whim’ as the initial decision to pop something in the oven or to put the kettle boiling or to start prepping something. It’s STRANGE. I cannot for the world say that I’ve got it figured out, but I CAN say that it hasn’t got the best of me, either!!!!!!!!

I think the smart thing I’m doing at the moment is BREAKFAST. Even after a boozy night I’m just starting the next day out with breakfast, whether I feel like it or not!! And it always sets me up for the day. For the rhythm of the rest of the day. Helps me think the next day is just another day. Just another normal day. Not a particular ‘hangover’ day. Not any different. I might not feel 100% but by carrying on with what is normal to ME i.e. a very protein heavy eating, always makes things ‘right’ and at some point I start feeling just fine and forget about what yesterday was all about.

I’m coping with a loaned laptop currently, having killed my MacBook with a glass of water about a week ago, so updates are random. BUT I certainly have more to say, just right now I have to get some sleep!!