Intervention complete

(LighterLife Management – Month 5)

I almost didn’t watch it. I nearly almost couldn’t. If I had had wine or chocolate or anything yummy but unhealthy in the house, I would’ve quite probably have downed it in order to keep watching.

What, you ask. Freaky Eaters: Addicted to… chocolate, which is a reality program about ‘extreme’ eaters. Last week it was someone who refused to eat anything but chips. And then a bunch of experts ‘fixed’ him. This week it was a young binge eater girl who had put on 3 stone in 7 months. Most people probably went “oh my god how did she do that” but I found myself nodding at that – perfectly doable…

So you can understand how that caught my interest. I thought, ok, this is clearly not merely about chocolate, which would’ve been a bit boring. So I decided to watch. I thought it would make an amusing viewing, the 2 experts trying to ‘cure’ a binge eater in just 3 weeks. HA! I thought. They can try all they can, me, I know better, she’s not going to just stop bingeing if you tell her to talk about her feelings instead of eating to avoid them. I KNOW BETTER!!!!

I didn’t. I was wrong. They succeeded. It can be done.

Their big aim was to stop her from eating in secret. They involved the whole family, for example telling the mother that when the girl would say she’s going to the shops for some chocolate, instead of trying to stop her which obviously hurt her feelings and made her all the more determined and probably added to the shopping basket, ask if she can come along. Little things like that, to stop judging and start listening. Stop trying to solve her issues, just listen. Give her space. Make her feel she has a right to exist, to take space, no matter what she’s feeling.

I really feared they would fail. And that’s why I almost couldn’t watch it all the way through. I suppose I’m so conditioned to expect failure from my own efforts that I’m not allowing it for other people either. Hmmm.

Anyway, she came through, the whole family did, and it was already making a difference to just how she was carrying herself after a few short weeks. I felt happy for her in the end. I felt hopeful for all binge eaters in the world. But at the same time I felt sad. Yes, sad, for not ever having the opportunity to arrange for similar support from my family or friends. Obviously because I don’t live with them and they weren’t there to witness the actual eating, but also because no TV crew with all the experts money can buy ever barged into my life when I had just gained 3 stone or whatever and told me they would help me stop my insane and self-destructive behaviour…

But I’m over the instantaneous self-pity now. Instead I’m thinking maybe there’s something about the idea of aiming to eat whatever you’re eating in ‘public’, openly. Even if there aren’t masses of people around to witness, even if it’s just me. And even if no-one else knows that’s what I’m doing. That’s an important thought for me. Even if no-one else knows. It means I accept that change comes from within me. It can only be done by me. And it’s as valid as anything.

Interestingly – it’s just hit me now – that’s what all the self-help books about emotional eating are banging on about. About taking responsibility for my own life. About being the only person who can change my life. Aren’t they?