(Lighterlife Management – ongoing)
Only a month ago I SWORE to everyone that would lend an ear that I was done with dieting. DONE!! I would NEVER EVER EVER go on a diet again in my entire life.
A week later I was back seeing my LighterLife councellor, being weighed at over 91kg, buying packs and setting out on Abstinence. And now, a good 3 weeks later I’m down 8 kg and quickly on my way to say goodbuy to the 80s, so to speak.
What was all that about? Well, a combination of a few things that occurred to me whilst I was shouting out my resolution to never diet again:
I realised the real pattern of my yo-yo dieting
For quite a while now, thanks to all the work I’ve done with LighterLife, I’ve known that I used to use food to numb down any emotions, positive and negative. But that doesn’t seem to have been all there was to it… Between a couple of life coaching sessions I suddenly saw a very clear pattern in my past behaviour.
When I was on top of the weight yo-yo I used to think “I’ll sort my life out as soon as I’ve lost all this weight”, happy in the knowledge that I had a plan: All was fine, there was a plan!! Then I lost the weight (whichever way – WeightWatchers, LighterLife, etc) and so arrived at this place where I had said I would ‘sort it all out’. And promptly proceeded to freak out over the thought of needing to actually look at my life and ‘sort’ it. And so I very quickly ate my way back to fat-dom. Back to that place where I couldn’t possibly sort anything out because there was all the weight to sort out first. And THAT has been at the bottom (ha ha) of my yo-yo cycle all these past 12 years.
I realised I don’t use weight in that way anymore!
It hit me like a ton of bricks: I’ve just spent over 5 months working with a life coach SORTING MY LIFE OUT WHILST HOLDING ON TO MY WEIGHT. Whilst being nearly the heaviest I’ve EVER been!!
For the first time ever, I have not waited to lose the weight first. I have just gotten on sorting ‘it’ all out. SUCCESSFULLY!!!!! And more important than that, without consciously realising that in the past I would have never EVER even considered doing so whilst so fat.
But I have now done it. The evidence is overwhelming. The life coaching I’ve received has shifted so many of the issues I have been unable to shift for myself (I will write a post about all that!), I cannot dispute it no matter what.
Needless to say, when I realised this I was flabbergasted and excited in equal amounts :D
I realised I don’t need the extra weight anymore
After realising that I’ve done so much of the ‘sorting out’ work WITH all the weight on, there was an instant switch in my head. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to leave the weight behind. I don’t need it any more! I can live my life, warts and all, sorting out whatever needs to be sorted, whatever the size I am. I don’t need the weight as an excuse anymore.
In fact, I DON’T NEED THE WEIGHT AT ALL ANYMORE.
I realised there’s nothing wrong in changing my mind
This is a biggie for me, something I’ve worked on during the life coaching sessions at several different points. I used to have this tendency of holding on to my own decisions: believing firmly that I can’t possibly change my mind once I’ve told people I was going to do or not do something. I agree, it sounds completely ridiculous, but hey ho, that’s how I’ve lived a lot of my life, and it has brought me grief and problems to no end. Going against my gut and my wants.
No more of that. I now know it is my life, no-one else’s, and therefore the consequences of my decisions all fall on me alone. No-one else really cares whether I change my mind on things because that’s what people do, and if it sometimes seems a bit odd to someone else then what do I care!?! It’s MY LIFE.
So there you have it: I’m back on Abstinence
Essentially, now that I don’t need the weight, I can’t BEAR the thought of hanging on to it. Because there’s no reason anymore: I just don’t need it!! I did consider trying to shake the weight by healthy food diet, but shaking 25kg by eating food is a mean feat for anyone and takes a long time and a lot of patience which I just don’t have. LighterLife Abstinence has always worked for me and it is the quickest safest way to leave the weight behind. And I’m so excited because I KNOW that I don’t need the weight anymore in the way I have needed and used it.
This time it isn’t about needing to become thin. It’s about leaving the weight behind me for good. Semantics, you may shrug, but for me there’s a world of difference :D
Filed under: Mgmt Year 5 Tagged: | Observations, Past life, Weight
